It's too early for stuff like this

That's damn scary!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:14 AM -

 
Yeehaw! It's a Big Weird Al Roundup!

Cut to the Photoshops!

Gore Finally Lets It Fly

Inside the Gray Lady and Thank Florida. Thank your lucky stars. Thank God.

Weird Al and Washington Weenie Meets Washingtonienne

Even Drudge missed this story ...

Thanks guys, but the original was sufficient evidence that Big Weird Al is more than a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

And how about the commentary?

Gore Goes Ga-Ga

How dare Al Gore disgrace this nation

Gore mentally unstable

Gore’s Gone Wild: The former veep’s increasingly bizarre persona.

Leftists Are Scarier Now Than They Were Then

GORE GONE WILD: SADNESS AND RELIEF

Republicans Love It When Gore Gets Mad: The more screaming, the better.

The wackadoo wing: Nuts spell trouble for Kerry

Yep, we were damn lucky in 2000. Here's hoping we're still lucky in 2004.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:16 AM -

 
You think crabgrass is bad?

You could live in New Zealand where Geyser erupts in back garden:

The concept of an eye-catching water feature took on a new slant for Shaun Payne when a 25-metre geyser blew its stack in his back garden near Lake Taupo.

Mr Payne, who has lived in Tokaanu village at the southern end of Lake Taupo for just over a year, said the day began as normal. He said he was having a cup of tea with a friend about 9.30am yesterday morning when he heard a loud rumbling noise.

"There's an 80-year-old bore in the back garden we use to pump hot water into our hot pool and you can always hear the water there but just as my friend, Ian, went to look down it the water just shot up like a gusher and he only just got out of the way."

Mr Payne said the fearsome jet of boiling water shot 25 metres into the air and started raining stones, some as big as a man's fist, on to the house.

About five houses were also caked in mud.

Last night the gusher was still spouting boiling water high into the night sky with no let up in sight.
...
"It's kind of a tourist attraction and we have had all sorts of people stopping to have a look, but it is a bit of a worry and I wouldn't mind if it stopped now."

Speaking of which, aren't geysers like, er, volcanic in origin?

Though specialists were being called in today to try and deal with the geyser, Mr Payne said he had been told to keep a careful ear on events during the night and to evacuate if the rumbling and trembling under the house got any worse.

Ya think? One also wonders how a "specialist" deals with a geyser. Do they try to fill it up with cement or just toss virgins in? The possibilities for hold-my-beer-and-watch-this moments abound.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:16 AM -

 
Bubba's Looking for a Love Shack!

West Side Bubba:

The hourlong commute from Chappaqua in Westchester County to New York City may have finally gotten to Bill Clinton.
The Post has learned that the ex-president is shopping for a Manhattan apartment.

"He's been looking for a place primarily on the Upper West Side with a couple of bedrooms for about $2 million," said one agent familiar with Bubba's house hunt.

Yeah, it's the commute, I'm sure. That's what all the suburban hubbies say when they try to get their spouses' approval.

While the gregarious Democrat has been busy penning his much-anticipated book in the tranquil confines of his upscale home in Westchester, friends say he's yearning to have a pied-a-terre where he could move and shake in Manhattan.

Move and shake it, indeed.

But while he's throwing the bucks around, maybe Bubba could spare some chump change for his brother Roger. Apparently Rog has run through all the loot he scammed selling pardons from Bubba and now he's got to come up with $24,000 or he's headed for the hoosegow.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:31 AM -

 
We're having a party and Capt. Hook is invited!

The BBC reports Radical cleric Abu Hamza arrested:

Controversial cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri has been arrested on an extradition warrant issued by the US government, which is said to relate to terrorism.

Stand by for the ear splitting whines from the usual suspects. On the other hand, maybe Kerry has found his VP candidate.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:27 AM -

 
Today's Hoot!

Mickey Kaus reveals Lurch's clever plan:

I was initially skeptical of the delayed-acceptance idea myself, thinking it too clever by half. But that was before I realized its diabolical tactical brilliance. You see, Kerry's handlers have clearly been busy analyzing reams of scientific opinion research--and they've reached the same conclusion that pollster Scott Rasmussen reached a couple of weeks ago:

Senator Kerry loses a few points every time the spotlight focuses on him. Kerry's numbers bounce back when the focus returns to the President.

Indeed, Kerry has been virtually invisible on the national radar screen lately--and he's been slowly climbing in the polls.

But the Kerry camp faced what might seem to be an insurmountable challenge: the July Democratic convention in Boston, when the nation's press surely plans to focus on the Democratic nominee, beaming his every word into the nation's living rooms, allowing voters to get to know him and take the measure of his character and personality. Kerry's highly-paid strategists instantly recognized that this would be a disaster for their client. So they have crafted a cunning plan designed to get the TV networks to avoid covering the convention entirely, while the reporters who might otherwise be exposing Kerry to the world are convinced to stay at home. (Give up 'tons of free publicity'? Nothing's more threatening to Kerry than tons of free publicity.)

But wait, there's more!

By delaying acceptance of the nomination, Kerry can encourage speculation that he might just turn it down! Why, he may not be the nominee at all! This will result in wild journalistic scenarios about possible "Torricelli options," distracting public attention from Kerry's spirit-sapping persona much as chaff dropped from an airplane causes anti-aircraft missiles to veer off-target. Kerry's vice-presidential pick, in particular, will get star treatment from the press--another plus, since he or she will almost certainly be more appealing than Kerry himself. Perhaps Kerry's lawyers can even figure out a way for his vice-presidential choice to formally accept the #2 slot while Kerry delays--making the vice presidential candidate, in effect, the top standard-bearer and spokesman of the Democrats for a few precious weeks.

More by following the link including a bonus suggestion:

If they could take Wonkette's advice and have Kerry delay accepting the nomination until, say, November 1, it might actually work. [She said Nov. 3, not Nov.1-ed. Right! Democrats could urge Americans to vote for a nominee to be chosen after the election by U.N. special envoy Lakhdar Brahimi!}

Now that's what I call nuance!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:48 AM -

 
Line of the day

From WND: "Many people mistook the learning experience of pornfest for a big group of people watching porn together."

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:32 AM -

 
Aren't his 15 minutes up yet?

It's Big Weird Al again - Democrats unleash Gore on Bush:

Al Gore will try to boost his party's chances of regaining the White House by criticizing President Bush's Iraq policy in a speech today, in which he will call for the resignation of five Bush administration officials and one military leader.

You know you're in trouble when you go to roll out the big guns and all you find is a loose cannon. Who's so thick as to think this is a smooth move?

The event, sponsored by the political action committee of the liberal group MoveOn.org., seeks to motivate the Democratic base.

Should have known - George Soros' Dung Beetles - Berkeley branch. But they better be careful of the feared "tonsil hockey of death" effect:

In December, Mr. Gore endorsed presidential hopeful Howard Dean, a vocal critic of Mr. Bush's Iraq policy. Many viewed the endorsement as a mistake, and Mr. Dean lost the presidential nominating contests to Sen. John Kerry, Massachusetts Democrat.

Speaking of Al and the wingnuts at MoveOn, Al seems to be joined at the hip to them. He just got finished endorsing their big global warming scare effort based on the movie, The Poseidon Adventure, or something like that. Joyce Wadler covers the NY kickoff:

The film shows LADY LIBERTY up to her neck in tidal waves, and New York City in the grip of an ice age so intense that the grid of Manhattan is turned into a giant ice cube tray. So, in keeping the mood alive, the film's promoters judiciously decided to bank the arrival line with piles of snow.

The red carpet in front of the American Museum of Natural History was white and banked by piles of the stuff; green oak leaves had been painted white. All very lovely, of course, but tragically, this global warming thing is more advanced than even the filmmakers thought: The snow was melting, the Astroturf carpet drenched.

"Who do we sue if we get electrocuted?'' asked the Reuters television reporter SAMIRA NANDA, who periodically stepped off the carpet to try to dry her feet.

Then, just as the chilly, wet scene couldn't get much more uncomfortable, three black limos pulled up in front of the museum, the cue for the snowblowers to be turned on. A collective groan from the press corps, as cameramen rushed to their vehicles for lens caps and soapy, white wet blobs hit reporters' notebooks.

Sounds like a real hot time. But the fun was just starting:

But frivolous us. Here we were about to natter in our usual fashion about movie stars when we should be telling you about "A Town Hall Meeting on Global Warming" with AL GORE, ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR. and AL FRANKEN. It had been planned to coincide with "The Day After Tomorrow" - the film's director ROLAND EMMERICH attended - and was presented by MoveOn.Org and Environmental Media Services on Monday afternoon at the Fourth Universalist Church on Central Park West. We saw Mr. Gore speak, accompanied by a slide show of charts and graphs.

How exciting was it?

Next to us, a man with an American flag on his lapel was dead asleep despite the Starbucks cup near his feet. Mr. Gore and a slide show - not even a supershot of espresso is going to keep you awake.
...
"This is what happens to the soil moisture in the continental United States,'' Mr. Gore was saying, as a graph came up on a giant screen. "Up to 30 to 35 percent loss of soil moisture! And if we go barreling right through a doubling of CO2? Most of the growing areas of the United States become parched. Parched. So where are the ethics for somebody who says this is not a problem?" (Oh, excuse us a minute. Medic! We've got somebody who was reading the National edition who's collapsed face first in Apple River, Ill. Take old Route 20 out past Stockton on to Scout Camp Road.)

Golly, if only we didn't have that dreary premiere to go to later.

If only we didn't have Big Weird Al ranting on.

Hmm, maybe it would help if Andy Borowitz scripted his lines?

Former Democratic presidential nominee Al Gore raised a warning flag about the candidacy of John Kerry today, telling reporters that the Massachusetts senator "is not sexy enough to be president."

Speaking to reporters in Washington, Gore said, "There are only three things that get you elected president—sex, sex, and sex—and John Kerry, I believe, lacks all three."

Attempting to place his remarks in an historical context, the former Democratic standard-bearer continued: "To be successful in a run for the White House, you need to have raw, almost animalistic sexual power. JFK had it. I have it. I'm not sure that John Kerry has it."

That would get the troops fired up!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:23 AM -

 
Lurch finds a "Big Issue"

Unfortunately for him, it's whether he should delay "accepting" the nomination until after the Boston convention. The Boston Globe tries to spiff it up in Kerry justifies idea of nomination delay. I'll spare you the usual nostrums, but there are a couple of new wrinkles. First the Donks are taking government cash for a "nominating" convention:

At the same time, two prominent campaign finance watchdogs questioned whether it would be legal for the host committee to spend $15 million in federal funds to stage the Democratic National Convention if the event does not produce Kerry's nomination.

"I think there is a very strong case here that it would be illegal," said Fred Wertheimer, who runs a campaign finance organization called Democracy 21. "They received the money to conduct a nominating convention, and a nominating convention tends to include the concept of a nominee. At a minimum, they face real legal questions."

Representative Martin T. Meehan of Lowell, a fellow Democrat and coauthor of the country's new campaign finance law, agreed that the $15 million is at risk. "The question is whether it could be made up in private contributions," the congressman said.

Not to worry, anything is legal if you are a Donk and no rain forests are hurt. Sometimes even then.

But what about Lurch himself? Well aside from rambling on and on about the various options, he let this escape:

"Once again, the Republicans don't know history, and they don't know facts," he said. "The truth is that it used to be that the convention, after nomination, traveled to the home or the state of the nominee to inform them they've been nominated. Woodrow Wilson was at his house in Princeton, N.J.; Harry Truman was in Independence," Mo., he said.

Woohoo! Next he'll be telling us how great it was that folks used to crap in pots. But wait a sec, don't Lurch and the little woman have a palace in Boston? You know, the one he mortgaged for twice its value to finance his campaign and where he is registered to vote? I know Boston has a lot of traffic, but how long does it take to go crosstown?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:43 AM -

 
It is a puzzlement

Collin Levey in the NY Post:

WE felt a little like we'd fallen down a rabbit hole last week on hearing that an artillery shell that tested positive for sarin had been discovered in a roadside bomb in Baghdad. It wasn't the nasty stuff itself that was curious - as Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld intimated, some stray chemical munitions could signify any number of things, or not much at all. The extraordinary part was the tizzy the media and various noteworthies were in to discount it .

Just a few hours after the news broke, former U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix grabbed a microphone somewhere to huff that the discovery meant nothing. Others briskly offered that the shell was more likely the bounty of a scavenger hunt by yahoos who didn't even know what they had.

Fair enough. But even forgetting the potency of one drop of liquid sarin, when did the prospect of the accidental use of loose WMDs become reassuring?

Hey, Collin - you have to go with the talking points, no matter how ludicrous they seem.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:24 AM -

 
It's that time of year again!

When the moonbats show up for well paying gigs delivering harangues at graduation ceremonies, that is. Although he doesn't need the loot, Ernst Blofeld showed up a week ago at the Columbia University School of International and Public Affairs where his delusions were right at home:

Indeed, Soros declared, the War on Terror has claimed far more innocent lives than the terrorist attacks on 9/11 — an event that "could not have changed the course of history for the worse if President Bush had not responded the way he did."

Now what could that mean?

Basically, that 9/11 was not an act of war, but a criminal matter. And, he says, "a crime requires police work, not military action."

Predictably, Soros' audience responded to this noxious diatribe with cheers and applause — but that speaks as much about the next generation of American diplomats as it does about Soros.

One can't help but wish that Georgie and the dung beetles in the audience get to meet some Islamofascists up close and personal.

But not all moonbats are so well received. Aging poseur E.L. Docotorow got the bird at Hofstra while devoting his 20 minute turn on stage to attacking the President. Today, Peggy Noonan takes Eddy to the woodshed - Doctorow's Malpractice: Hofstra students use boos responsibly. The best part:

I want to explain to Ed Doctorow why he was booed. It was not, as he no doubt creamily recounted in a storytelling session over drinks that night in Sag Harbor, that those barbarians in Long Island's lesser ZIP codes don't want to hear the truth. It is not that they oppose free speech. It is not that the poor boobs of Long Island have an unaccountable affection for George W. Bush.

It is that they have class.

The poor stupid people of Long Island are courteous, and have respect for the views and feelings of others, and would not dream of imposing their particular views on a captive audience that has gathered to celebrate--to be happy about, to officially mark with their presence--the rather remarkable fact that one of their family studied and worked for four years, completed his courses, met all demands, and became a graduate of an American university.

This indeed is something to be proud of.

Did Eddy Doctorow know that? Did he care? I don't think so. Did he understand that what the students needed from him--after all, he has lasted a long time, has been a member of a profession, has won the favor of the elite media for lo these many years, and manages to produce many books nobody reads in the computer age while still using a quill--was perhaps a sense of . . .

All right, I give up. I don't know what they needed from him. America hasn't been the same since the dream of socialism so rudely ended? What will we do for a sense of communitarian ideals now that Marx is gone? "God may not exist but we need to tell stories about him nonetheless?

Fast Eddy Doctorow told a story at the commencement all right, and it is a story about the boorishness of the aging liberal. An old '60s radical who feels he is entitled to impose his views on this audience on this day because he's so gifted, so smart, so insightful, so very above the normal rules, agreements and traditions. And for this he will get to call himself besieged and heroic--a hero about whom stories are told!--when in fact all he did was guarantee positive personal press in the elite media, at the cost of the long suffering patience of normal people who wanted to move the tassel and throw the hat in the air.

I am a conservative. I have spoken at three college commencements. Each time I spoke I talked about the students, and the life ahead of them, and the nature of their achievement. I spoke to them about them. I didn't tell them Jimmy Carter is a retard or Bill Clinton is a pig. It would have been wrong to do that. It would have been boorish. It would have deserved boos.

I'm glad that's what Eddy Doctorow got this Sunday from what appear to be his intellectual and moral superiors on Long Island. Go Hofstra.

And good riddance to the vapid punk.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:09 AM -

 
He's as moderate as all get out!

Over at RatherBiased.com there's a good discussion of the Pew Research Center political survey of big media journalists and everybody's fave, Dan Rather. My favorite part:

Although he likely was not surveyed by the Pew Center, Dan Rather's attitudes toward himself and the press are strikingly similar to the national journalists who were polled. Like many of them, he insists that he is a moderate and is seemingly oblivious to the idea that the press is dominated by liberals who often inject their opinions into their stories.

Over the years, Rather has persistently denied that he is a liberal, despite his long record of favoring Democrats and liberals over Republicans and conservatives.
...
Asked about his opinion of claims that liberals dominate the news media and as a result bias the news to fit their views, the anchor told late night talk show host Tom Snyder that such claims were groundless:

"It's one of the great political myths, about press bias. Most reporters are interested in a story. Most reporters don't know whether they're Republican or Democrat, and vote every which way. Now, a lot of politicians would like you to believe otherwise, but that's the truth of the matter. I've worked around journalism all of my life, Tom Snyder has as well, and I think he'll agree with this, that most reporters, when you get to know them, would fall in the general category of kind of common-sense moderates.

Rather even shares most national journalists' opinion of the New York Times, as former CBS correspondent Bernard Goldberg recounted in a May 24, 2001 op-ed for the Wall Street Journal:

"In 1996 after I wrote about liberal bias on this very page, Dan was furious and during a phone conversation he indicated that picking the Wall Street Journal to air my views was especially appalling given the conservative views of the paper's editorial page. 'What do you consider the New York Times?' I asked him, since he had written op-eds for that paper. 'Middle of the road,' he said.

"I couldn't believe he was serious. The Times is a newspaper that has taken the liberal side of every important social issue of our time, which is fine with me. But if you see the New York Times editorial page as middle of the road, one thing is clear: You don't have a clue."

A concise summary of ole Dan.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:40 AM -

 
Seems to me I've heard that one before!

Tin foil beanie Teresa is featured in USA Today and NewsMax notices an inconsistency - Heinz Kerry: SUVs Are Safer:

To the environmentalists she funds with her billion-dollar philanthropy, SUVs are public enemy number one. But when it comes to her own personal driving needs, Teresa Heinz Kerry says she drives SUVs because they're safer.

"Safety first," she tells USA Today, which notes Monday that "four [of her] close relatives were killed in car crashes." What's more, Heinz Kerry says she needs the SUVs "to drive safely in snow and sand at her various homes," the paper explained.

OK by me, Terry! But that one usually prompts howls of angst from your ecoweenie pals. How come I can't hear any now?

There is a nuance, of course.

The would-be first lady is said to be "angry that U.S. car manufacturers have taken so long to build a fuel-efficient four-wheel-drive vehicle." So she's now planning to buy a gas-electric hybrid Ford Escape.

She's no doubt also angry that U.S. power boat manufacturers have yet to build fuel-efficient watercraft, forcing her husband to tool around in that gas-guzzling luxury yacht she bought for him.

And Heinz Kerry must be absolutely livid at U.S. aircraft manufacturers, who have yet to devise a fuel-efficient way of powering private jets, leaving her no alternative but to fly around in a gas-eating Gulfstream V.

She's probably upset that they haven't built her a flying saucer yet, either.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 1:55 PM -

 
Time for a pictorial pop quiz!

Which is freakier - the techno fan or the bike dyke?

Of course, they're both mild by comparison to the "American" media. Sorry, no pictures of them.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 1:00 PM -

 
Flipper may be serious!

Delegates receptive to nontraditional convention, even if it would lose some of the fun :

Democratic activists say they are receptive to the idea of eliminating the nomination from their nominating convention to give John Kerry a better financial shot against President Bush.
...
Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, who ran against Kerry in the Democratic primaries but now supports him, said Saturday he had his lawyers examine this option last November and December when he thought he might win the nomination.
...
David Leshtz, a delegate from Iowa City, Iowa, said the nomination part of the convention amounts to mere ceremony since Kerry secured enough delegates to win the nomination months ago. He said eliminating it to get a financial advantage would be fine by him.
...
Kerry spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter said the convention would be no less important without an official nomination because it would still be a celebration for the party's eventual nominee.

''What voters are going to see is someone who is aggressive and bold and ready to fight and fight to win,'' she said.

Steffie was apparently talking about Lurch although that description makes it hard to tell. Meanwhile,

Gary Ficken, a delegate from up the road in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, said, ''I think it will be boring. I can't imagine attending a convention and him not formally accepting and giving a speech.''
...
The Bush campaign is planning how to counteract a convention without a nomination, including the possibility of a separate political rally with Bush elsewhere and demanding equal coverage.

Bwahaha! Why not?

And Boston's mayor weighs in:

A frustrated Mayor Thomas M. Menino yesterday urged Sen. John F. Kerry to make good on plans to accept the Democratic presidential nomination in the Hub, bluntly telling Kerry to ``just do it.''

Menino, peeved that Kerry didn't clue him in on planning that could render the Boston convention irrelevant, said it's too late for ideas like Kerry's.

``My advice? Do what everybody else has done in the past,'' Menino told reporters.

``Just do it. Just get it done.''

But Tom, that wouldn't be properly nuanced!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:37 AM -