Lurch does the flyover states!

Two chocolate cones and a root beer popsicle coming right up!



Sure, Lurch, we believe you really, really care!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:33 AM -

 
Fireworks Fun!

Fireworks Give Chance to Blow Up Bin Laden:

Some Americans this Fourth of July plan to get a bang out of blowing Osama bin Laden's head off. The bin Laden Noggin, a cone-shaped pyrotechnic device with a cartoon of bin Laden's face, has been a hot seller at some fireworks stores around the country. When lit, the bin Laden cone erupts in blood-red flames and screeches for 60 seconds. Two shots blow his head off.

All right!

It is part of an Exploding Terrorists Heads four-pack that also includes Saddam Hussein, Yasser Arafat and Moammar Gadhafi.

Even better! And check out the picture. Mighty fetching renditions if you ask me.

Suzi Hoffman, whose husband returned home in May after spending eight months working as an electrician in Baghdad, got a kick out of the terrorists' heads while shopping for fireworks in suburban Omaha.

"I thought they should have shot Saddam in the head when they found him," she said. "So, this is a great way to get your aggression out."

Lisa Myer of Papillion was appalled when she heard about the fireworks while shopping for smoke bombs and sparklers for her son.

"What are we trying to teach our children?" she asked.

Right question, wrong direction. What are you trying to teach your kids, Lisa?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:27 AM -

 
Break out your party hats!

Kennedy-fest in Boston could upstage Kerry's convention:

When the Democrats descend on Boston for their national convention this month, there will be no escaping the Kennedys.
...
By sheer numbers, the Kennedys will be omnipresent. Sen. Edward Kennedy is expecting more than 100 family members to attend the convention beginning July 26, and he has reserved about 100 rooms at a single hotel.
...
On the first day, Kennedy family and friends will gather near Boston's North End for the formal dedication of the Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway, a 30-acre stretch of parkland that will wind through downtown Boston atop the old Central Artery highway. Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy died in January 1995 at the age of 104.

On the first night, the Kennedy family will attend a star-studded cocktail reception and fund-raiser for the Robert F. Kennedy Memorial, a nonprofit organization named after the former attorney general and New York senator who was assassinated after winning the California Democratic presidential primary in 1968.
...
Kennedy will address the Democratic convention in prime time on the second night, and then head to a tribute at Symphony Hall honoring his more than four decades of public service.
...
Smaller but no less exclusive events include a luncheon on the third day hosted by Kennedy and Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., for senators and their families at the JFK Library. Kennedy's wife, Victoria Reggie Kennedy, will host a luncheon on the second day for Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of the candidate.

I wonder if Mary Jo Kopechne will attend any of the soirees? Probably not - she's kind of a stiff at parties.

But here's good news:

``Many of the convention events are going to be at the Kennedy Library, you're going to drive down John F. Kennedy Boulevard, you're going to pass in front of the John F. Kennedy courthouse and look at the statue of John F. Kennedy in front of the statehouse,'' said Sen. Christopher J. Dodd, D-Conn., a close Kennedy friend.

Woohoo - maybe Chris and Ted will demonstrate the technique for their trademark "waitress sandwich"!

But there's always a wet blanket:

``This presents an opportunity to showcase the fact that Ted Kennedy is the conservative senator from Massachusetts,'' said Republican National Committee spokeswoman Christine Iverson. ``And if Ted Kennedy is the icon of the liberal wing of the Democratic Party, John Kerry's voting record is even more out of the mainstream.''

Hey, Lurch represents the important Hanoi wing of the party!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:02 AM -

 
Hey! He sounds familiar!



(Hat tip: Registered)

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 5:59 PM -

 
Aren't their 15 minutes up yet?

Michelle Malkin spots a Skankette newflash. There's a Playboy pictorial involved. How long before the news that both the skanks have signed for a "big bucks" lap dance tour?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 11:42 AM -

 
Today's Hoot!

Well actually yesterday's - the Protest Warriors visit the Today Show. The folks at Today haven't had so much excitement since perky Katie Couric provided a video tour of her nether region. I also like the way NBC has security goofs standing behind Ditzella and Pee Wee Herman pretending to be regular folks while trying to maintain decorum. Too bad, goobers!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:00 AM -

 
Howell Raines and I agree!

Well sort of. I just spotted his Guardian screed about John Kerry from early June:

I personally find him easier to talk to than Al Gore, but there's no denying that he's ponderous. And he's pompous in a way that Gore is not. With Gore, you feel that if he could choose, he would have been born poor and cool. Kerry radiates the feeling that he is entitled to his sense of entitlement. Probably that comes from spending too much time with Teddy Kennedy, but it's a problem. The TV camera is an x-ray for picking up attitudinal truths, and Kerry's lantern jaw and Addams Family face somehow reinforce the message that this guy has passed from ponderous to pompous and is so accustomed to privilege that he doesn't have to worry about looking goofy. It's as if Lurch had gone to Choate.

No no-show job from the Heinz foundation for you Howell!

Actually, this says something about all of them - Al ("poor and cool?"), Teddy, Lurch, and Howell. And it isn't nice.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:38 AM -

 
Some things you just can't make up

Al in the Family:

REV. Al Sharpton can now add reality show host to his colorful resume.

Sharpton will be the host and star of Spike TV's "I Hate My Job," a new reality series, loosely based on NBC's "The Apprentice," in which he will serve as a career counselor to help "despondent" guys land their dream jobs.

"I'm the working man's Donald Trump," Sharpton told The Post yesterday.

"Most people end up going through life doing things [for a living] that they really don't want to do," Sharpton says.

"This is a reality show that has a message, it seeks to get people to find out who they really are and pursue that."

But Al, there aren't too many people who are good at stirring up race riots!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:11 AM -

 
There's a lot of pork in that barrel, folks!

(Via Drudge) Hillary wows the Kool-Aid drinkers in San Francisco:

"Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you," Sen. Clinton said. "We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

That pretty well sums it up. But not to worry, the Comrades have a much better idea of what's good for you than you do.

And the crowd chugged it down and wanted more:

"San Francisco has always been Hillary country. They get her here -- there's a real appreciation for independent, intelligent women."

That's swell, but what about Hillary?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:50 AM -

 
It's Boris and Natasha Again

Just when we thought we had heard the last on Joe "Sweet Mint Tea" Wilson and "Secret Spouse" Victoria Plame, James Taranto has an update:

Oh, Those Weapons of Mass Destruction
Remember the Joe Wilson brouhaha? (It was the one that begot the Valerie Plame kerfuffle.) Wilson emerged as an opponent of Iraq's liberation after he claimed to have debunked reports that the erstwhile Baghdad regime sought to buy uranium from Niger. This seemed plausible, since some of the documents that bolstered the Iraq-Niger connection turned out to be forgeries.

Yet Wilson changed his own story in his recent book, as we noted in April, and now the Financial Times reports there's new evidence that Baghdad did seek uranium in Niamey:

European intelligence officers have now revealed that three years before the fake documents became public, human and electronic intelligence sources from a number of countries picked up repeated discussion of an illicit trade in uranium from Niger. One of the customers discussed by the traders was Iraq.

These intelligence officials now say the forged documents appear to have been part of a "scam", and the actual intelligence showing discussion of uranium supply has been ignored.

But not so fast! Blogger Josh Marshall says the FT is wrong:

I hear something different.

In fact, I know something different. . . .

I cannot begin to describe how much I would like to say more than that. And at some later point in some later post I will do my best to explain the hows and whys of why I can't. But, for the moment, I can't.

If that doesn't convince you Saddam Hussein was innocent, we don't know what would.

Ole Josh is sure one heck of a spinner. I bet if the newshawks caught Lurch on video tape in the back of his deluxe campaign plane having carnal knowledge of a goat, Josh would be telling us about his fondness for animals.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:01 AM -

 
Who knew?

Tom Fitzgerald in the SF Chronicle:

Somebody has been telling whoppers about North Korean leader Kim Jong Il's golf game, says WorldTribune.com. According to North Korea's government-controlled media, the "Great Leader'' shot five holes-in-one in his very first round and finished 38-under par.

The same media say Kim routinely shoots three or four holes-in-one per round (Ace is the place!). Kim apparently goes along with this story.

The little feller might fit right in down at the store if he took up fishing instead.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:50 PM -

 
Congratulations to the free people of Iraq!

Iraq Becomes Sovereign Two Days Before Deadline. And confusion to the enemies of freedom in all their little rat holes.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:57 AM -

 
Nope, no "coordination" here!

Bob Novak on Kerry's revolving door:

Veteran Democratic political operative Rodney Shelton has crossed over from America Coming Together, an anti-Bush 527 organization set up to evade the McCain-Feingold Act's ban on soft money, to become Arkansas state director of John Kerry's presidential campaign.

The 527s and the Kerry campaign are not supposed to coordinate with each other, but top staffers have moved back and forth through a revolving door. Zack Exley has left the Bush-bashing MoveOn.org to become Kerry's director of online organization. Moving in the opposite direction, former Kerry campaign manager Jim Jordan has joined ACT.

I'm sure glad we had campaign finance reform!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:32 AM -

 
Ain't We Got Fun?

Drudge reports that some news organizations are scrambling to get public access to the sealed records of John Kerry's divorce after their big "success" in getting a tame Los Angeles judge to open the sealed records of Illinois Senate candidate Jack Ryan and his ex-wife over both their objections. Aside from the fact that filings in nasty divorce cases are the equivalent of legally encouraged slander, what do you think the chances are that a member of the judiciary will find a "public right to know" for the sealed papers from a Democrat's messy divorce?

There seems to be an informal rule of modern political life that Donks get to choose what they reveal. We haven't seen Kerry's full military, financial, and medical records and we haven't seen Teresa's full financial records either. It was a big scoop the other day when the LA Times estimated that she was actually a billionaire instead of a half-billionaire. Heck, we still haven't seen Bill Clinton's medical records and they were likely some really juicy reading.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:09 AM -

 
Plenty of Kool-Aid on tap!

Here'a beauty from the Raleigh News and Observer:

At a couple of minutes past 2 p.m., the healing began. Lynda Watson stood on the stage at the Rialto movie theater in Raleigh and invited the crowd to join her.

"I want to say something I haven't said in a loud voice for a while," she said. "I want to say it with friends. I'm proud to be a Democrat."

There's no accounting for taste, but what has ole Lynda so excited?

Watson, the executive director of the Wake County Democratic Party, had reason to be proud. With her Friday were 385 people who paid $9 each to catch the first showing of "Fahrenheit 9/11," the controversial new Michael Moore film.

About half of the money raised went into the party's coffers. But just as important, she said, was that, after some tough years, Wake Democrats were energized for the fall election.

"We're going to take back Wake County!" she declared.

Lotsa luck with that one, Lynda. In 2002, some local Democrat party organizations in the South tried out "The Democrat party was good enough for your parents" ads. Nice try, but except for the most benighted, the regular folks have noticed that it isn't Mom and Dad's Democrat party anymore. And the Kool-Aid drinkers only take you so far. They better get working on the vote fraud.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:07 AM -

 
Today's Hoot!

Mark Steyn reviews Bubba's Bloviations - The Wrong Way to Mount Rushmore. There's a lot of goodness there, but here are two of my favorites:

If I were the big spenders at Knopf, I'd have said: "Look, we understand that a politician with legal difficulties has to say things like 'inappropriate encounter.' And, if you want to write a memoir in dead pol-speak, that's OK, we'll pay you 20,000 bucks. But for 10 mil do us a favor and lay off the 'I had an inappropriate encounter' stuff. Shoot for more of 'The shaft of light from the dying sun through the Oval Office window caught the swell of her bosom as she slid the extra-large pepperoni across the desk. I knew it was wrong. I'd penciled in that evening for bringing peace to Northern Ireland, but what the hell, the two sides of that troubled island's sectarian conflict were separated by as deep a divide as the plunging cleavage now beckoning from her low-cut angora sweater. Ulster could wait.' "
...
Mr. Clinton is certainly thinking of his legacy. The index lists more pages for "bin Laden, Osama" than "Jones, Paula," which isn't how it seemed at the time. You can't blame the poor fellow. As things stand, you'd be hard put to devise a more apt personal embodiment of the long holiday from history the U.S. took between the fall of the Berlin Wall and the fall of the World Trade Center. If geopolitics is the Super Bowl, Mr. Clinton is Janet Jackson, complete with wardrobe malfunctions.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:41 AM -