Christopher Johnson at Midwest Conservative Journal:
We'd like to help you, really we would, but let's be honest, Germany. You've been distant lately. Like when you said all those mean things about our president. You don't have to spell it out for us; we know you want to break it off. And we're cool with it.
We've had some great times in the past but there comes a point when a country's just got to move on. We're sure you can find another superpower to move into those bases. You're a great catch.